The rest of you are finishing eggnog, buying and wrapping gifts for your loved ones, and reconciling to the fact that all your clothes instantly smell like ham, but I’m out of Iowa. Enjoys a prickly whine. What keeps Hawkeyes in swivet? Well, after 50 years of being the first state where every presidential candidate needed to be stable, it was all over.
Instead of being treated to sideshow spectacles like aristocrat John Kerry pretending to eat meat on sticks in a tavern full of locals, you can see much of the same just in South Carolina. .
The Democratic National Committee voted last week to move the first primary to South Carolina, making the famous Iowa caucuses irrelevant to the party’s nominating process.
As a North Carolina native (precisely described as “the valley of humility between two mountains of vanity”), I’m particularly interested in seeing how this goes.
To be clear, I have nothing against Iowa. It’s one of my favorite rectangular states, and I admire its uncanny ability to revive a baseball player who dies in a cornfield, but South Cuckoo Lucky! Who wouldn’t want to start a presidential election there? Have you seen “Southern Charm”? Come to the moss-covered mansion. Staying for Shep’s egregious failure to remain loyal to everyone. What’s not to love?
For those less passionate about this sort of thing, a little history. For 50 years, Iowa was the first. Underperforming candidates have helplessly watched their campaigns strangled in their crib long before they could learn to crawl and lie at the same time. But Iowa isn’t exactly the face of America. 84{ea2cba5bdf6fe62bbe85e24807814144a71e77d3ae7311fbc27a008558d1372c} are white, and non-white candidates are almost guaranteed to succeed there. It was decided that more racially diverse states should take the lead.
South Carolina always votes Republican so it’s a little strange that the state was South Carolina. But you can’t argue that Democrats aren’t particularly talented at pointing shotguns at their big toes.
Understandably, Republicans, especially in Iowa, are frustrated by the loss of that visibility (and advertising revenue). The chairman of the state party touted the move as a “middle finger to Iowa.”
It’s a hissy fit fit for Lindsey Graham of South Carolina!
Many believe this is President Biden’s previously agreed “thank you” to states that single-handedly revived the 2020 election and won critical primaries, but I simply will say, “Yeah, that’s right.”
no matter. Let my sister state enjoy being courted by every presidential candidate, it’s like being named Homecoming Her Queen, Head Her Cheerleader, Valedictorian on the same day.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit a little jealousy. Why not North Carolina? It has twice her population, 64{ea2cba5bdf6fe62bbe85e24807814144a71e77d3ae7311fbc27a008558d1372c} more square miles than hers, and is even more racially diverse and purple-leaning politically. Also, our barbecue is better. (I’m not talking to Rodney Scott. You rule.)
People in Iowa are accustomed to a lot of unfair attention every four years. They love to complain about all the candidates (Hickenlooper? seriously?) clogging coffee shops, but they’re happy when the steam in the shower goes out, but what is this Barney has already put toothpaste on his toothbrush and handed him a towel.
Now South Carolina will know what it’s like to start the day with New Yorkers Bill de Blasio and Michael Bloomberg serving bagels with “schmears” and other breakfast abominations. It would be fun to watch these guys eat their grits while giving the camera a goofy thumbs up.
Celia Rivenbark is a NYT bestselling author and columnist.write her celiarivenbark@gmail.com.
